Must Be Present to Win

Last weekend, I had breakfast with a friend who works at a large synagogue in Denver.  She told me that lots of people join the synagogue hoping to find a community to connect with.  Her job is to put on events and activities and create groups to help people find those communities. 

When it doesn't happen, she said, it is usually because they don't attend the group. One younger couple who had been so excited to join the synagogue called her a few months later discouraged that they hadn't made any friends. She asked, "Have you attended the evening gatherings for young couples?" "No," they replied. "What about the newcomer's coffee?" "No," again.

She looked at me exasperated, "They don't understand that 'you must be present to win'!" 

What a clear lens through which to view life: must be present to win.  I can think of all sorts of places at the WCY where that same idea is true.  You certainly must be present to win with exercise.  Can't do it if you don't show up.  And the same with friendships.  Presence - "being there" or "showing up" - is the water that keeps friendships from dying on the vine.

This also resonates on a deeper level because presence is my focus for the year. 

My main intention for the year (I shy away from goals because I want to focus on growth instead of achievement) is to be present.  The two ways I remind myself are to take a breath before I respond and to swallow all my food before I take another bite.  (And before you think of all the times you have seen me not do these things, just know it's my intention for a reason. I hope you see growth!)

Why those two specific things?  Sometimes, especially when I feel pressure, my mind races to solve whatever problem is in front of me that I forget to listen to the whole problem.  Likewise with food.  Sometimes I shovel in mouthful after mouthful, like coal into a boiler, without taking time to taste what I am eating. 

For as long as I can remember, I have done things fast.  When I was young, my dad used to tell me "Keep up with me" when we were walking together.  (That ended badly... one time, when I was in ninth grade, he had to pick me up at a friend's house because I had forgotten to ask if I could spend the night.  He was not happy.  At this stage, I had a fast gait and I wanted to get to the car as quickly as possible.  My dad said, "Wait for me" and I replied snippily, "Why don't you keep up with me?"  Yah...  You can imagine!)

Perhaps that is how the habit started or perhaps it is the way my body and mind work.  What I know is that I often find myself speeding through a task so that I can get on to the next task.  "Must be present to win" reminds me that I have to pay attention to what I am doing to have any chance of being my best.  (My dad also tried to teach me this lesson.  He often gave me a print out he had written called "Good Advice for High-Spirited People".  At the top was "OTAAT - One Thing At A Time.")

Around the time of the Rio Olympics, I read a profile of a swimmer named Maya DiRado. She was a great swimmer at Stanford and wanted to go to the Olympics. She also had an offer at a big-time consulting company. She asked the company to defer her start date by two years so that she could train. They agreed. At that point, she knew that since Rio would be her only Olympics, she wanted to give it her best shot.

While she had once seen each practice as a 'grind'—merely a task to be completed—her perspective shifted when she committed to making Rio her final season. She realized that if this was her last chapter, she wanted to be her best self for it. She was quoted as saying, ""I stopped looking at practice as something to get through, and started looking at it as something to do well. I started paying attention to every single stroke I took." That's presence.

She won four medals, including a gold in the 200m Backstroke, beating a competitor who seemed unbeatable. (Check out the race here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY8SVFr13m0. The start is around 4:30). She won the race by 6/100ths of a second.

Even if she hadn't won, she said "the experience was meaningful only because of the incredible work it took to get there." Her goal, she said, was "[to know] I did everything I could", rather than to win a gold medal. And when she did win gold, that was surprising and wonderful, but not more meaningful than her performance in the other races.

It is nice to see an example of all the work she put in paying off in a win, but that's not the point. "Must be present to win" doesn't mean I always "win". Sometimes I pay attention to what I am saying and still say the wrong thing! (Though more often I realize that I jumped the gun and didn't listen all the way.)

Being present simply helps me choose how I want to respond, which gives me the best chance of being my best self. Which IS winning, just not the kind that comes with the gold that our culture often raises up.

I wish you a wonderful, present day!

Russell

P.S. Come see the Passy Race on Saturday. It's a great example of winning just by showing up!